So, Who's Babysittin' The Eggheads?
by Just Add Coffee
Summary: Major Lorne and Lieutenant Cadman are chosen to command the annual civilian training trip off world. Besides the fact they're babysitting a bunch of eggheads for three days, they've got bigger problems. Like the freakin' stargate not working.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Major Lorne and Lieutenant Cadman are chosen to command the annual civilian training trip off world. Besides the fact they're babysitting a bunch of eggheads for three days, they've got bigger problems. Like the freakin' stargate not working.

**Authors Note: **First attempt at a SGA fic, so feedback is always appreciated. Reviews, and constructive criticism are lovely, and will be rewarded with hugs, but flames will be used to toast marshmallows. Deadly serious.

**Disclaimer: **'Fraid I don't about Stargate Atlantis, or any of the Stargate franchise. Wouldn't say no to owning Major Lorne though.. ;)

**Chapter One.**

"So, who's trainin' the scientists this year?" Major Lorne asked as his joined Colonel Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon and Lieutenant Cadman at a table near the balcony of the mess.

John couldn't help but smirk. "You and Cadman are."

Lorne stopped with a sandwich held halfway to his mouth, and Cadman spat out a mouthful of chewed food.

"What?!"

"Your turns come 'round Lorne, Cadman." John replied. "Your goin' to P3X447, for a three day course with a bunch of scientists and medic's."

Lorne put his sandwich back on the plate. "When sir?"

"Tuesday." John replied, as Ronon helped himself to Lorne's now forgotten lunch.

"Buts that's only two days away!" Laura sputtered.

John stood up, and slapped her shoulder. "Well, you'd better get planning then Lieutenant."

Teyla stood to follow him, and smiled reassuringly at the horror-stricken pair. "I am sure you will have a good time Major, Lieutenant."

Lorne barley held back a snort. Three days on a planet with a bunch of scientists who weren't at all willing to do the weapons training, or fitness training wasn't his idea of fun.

It wasn't Cadman's either.

"You eating that?" Ronon asked, pointing to Lorne's desert.

Lorne shook his head absently, and Ronon helped himself to the chocolate cake the Major had been looking forward to eating all day. When he saw Laura had also forgotten about her lunch, he grabbed her cake too.

Waste not want not after all.

/////

_Tuesday morning._

Major Lorne stood beside the bags, checking the various supplies he and Cadman had requested for their trip off world.

Tents, blanks, MRE's, rope, duct tape.. Yup, they had everything they needed.

Cadman entered the gate room, her arms full of roll's of the silvery tape that was pretty much everyone's best friend.

"Lieutenant?" Lorne said questioningly. He wasn't entirely sure they needed **that **much duct tape for the training trip.

Laura deposited the tape into one of the two bags she and Evan would be carrying, and shrugged. "You never know sir."

"Hope you aren't planning on using that to shut the scientists up." Colonel Carter smirked as she joined them in the 'gate room.

"Of course not ma'am." Laura said quickly. A little too quickly.

"Off the record here Lieutenant, but you wouldn't be the first." Sam smiled.

"General O'Neill?" Lorne and Cadman said straight away.

Sam nodded. "SG-1 got saddled with it one time, and he wiped out the entire duct tape store at the SGC. That, and the elastic bands. No need to explain that one."

Major Lorne barely held back a laugh. General Jack O'Neill was one legend of a man.

Before they three officers could continue their conversation, the eight scientists they were taking off world entered the 'gate room, weighed down by what seemed to be half their quarters stuffed in a backpack.

"I thought we said pack light." Cadman sighed. "That means takin' the bare necessities, not half Atlantis."

"We are only goin' for three days," Major Lorne agreed. "so, you're going to have to carry-"

He stopped suddenly, and he and Cadman exchanged evil looks.

"But, I think you'll agree Lieutenant, that something they're carrying may come in handy." Evan smirked.

Laura nodded. "Yessir, I think you've hit the nail on the head with that one."

Sam was about to say something, when Major Lorne turned to the control room. "Chuck? We're good to go." He said to the Canadian.

Sam bit her lip, but nodded to the technician to start the dialling sequence.

They stood in silence as the 'gate dialled, and the event horizon came to life. It failed to amaze Sam, even after well over a decade with the Stargate Program.

"You have a go." Sam nodded. "Oh, and Lieutenant, Major?"

The two officers turned to look at their CO.

"Be nice." She warned.

/////

"Alright!" Major Lorne yelled as soon as everyone arrived on the planet. "We are going to be setting up camp on the other side of the river."

"How far is that?" Dr Kavanagh asked, shifting his pack around.

Evan looked at Laura. "How far?"

"'Bout twenty clicks sir." Laura replied.

Evan turned back to the group. "We'd better get walkin' if we wanna be there before night fall."

"Before nightfall?" Dr Kavanagh gasped, looking at the bright afternoon sky.

"Yep!" Evan replied brightly, and they began to walk.

The was a few reasons that John had picked this planet for off -world training. One being that it was completely un-inhabited, another being that it was like a natural obstacle course.

Rather than having to bring a FRED with half a tonne of gear, P3X447 was a drill instructors dream. There was hills not unlike climbing walls, plenty of open areas for camp, rivers, and stuff that could be used to make an obstacle course.

"How long are we going to be walking?" Dr Kavanagh whined.

"Depends on how fast you go." Major Lorne replied.

"Roughly, how long?" Dr Biro asked.

Laura looked at her watch, and back at the group trailing behind them. "Four hours, give or take."

"But, but we have so much stuff with us!" Dr Young complained.

The two officers smirked. "Told you to pack light." Major Lorne replied.

////

It took them almost three hours to reach the river, with the amount of stopping for breaks they were made do, and the amount of complaints, and slow walkers they had to put up with.

They reached the river bank, and Laura looked at her watch.

"We're way behind schedule sir."

Major Lorne nodded. "I know. Guess we'll just have to sacrifice sleep to fit in all the training we're gonna miss."

"You can't do that!" Dr Kavanagh protested.

Major Lorne had just set down his own backpack, and he turned to look at the red faced doctor, water in hand.

"We've got a certain amount of stuff to do, and we gotta get it done or I can't say you passed."

"Which means," Laura interjected. "You can't stay on Atlantis, and you have to go back to Earth and do all the training."

"All organised by General O'Neill. Heard he had to take over from Colonel Mitchell 'cause SG-1 had some sorta undercover mission to go on." Evan added. It was a total lie, but they had heard about General O'Neill's training program's.

Some of them had even been in them.

Major Lorne couldn't help but laugh at their faces.

"Saddle up, we've gotta get there in the next hour, or no one's sleepin' the next three days." Laura said, putting her bag back on. "What's the best across sir?"

Evan was looking out across the river. "Theres no way 'round it, so across it gonna have to do."

"How bout swimming across sir?" Laura suggested. "Just there," She said, pointing out a spot in the river. "Looks pretty shallow the whole way 'cross."

Evan nodded. "You go first, I'll take our six, make sure everyone gets across."

Laura nodded, and made her way to the water, plunging into the clear depths. The water only came up to her waist.

"We're good to go sir."

The six scientists, groaning, followed Laura into the icy cold water. Evan followed suit, close behind Dr Biro, the scary pathologist.

A few minutes into their journey across the river, Laura yelled out and disappeared under the water.

"Hold up!" Evan yelled, swimming towards the front as fast as he could. He un-clipped his backpack and left it gently sinking under water as he dived beneath the surface.

The water was clear, and cool, so the Major easily opened his eyes to search for his 2IC.

She was on the bottom of the riverbed, tugging at a strange looking root that had taken hold of her leg. The Major took off her bag in the hope that it would make it easier on the Lieutenant, but it didn't seem to have much affect.

Evan could already feel his lungs gasping for air, so his grabbed the knife he had strapped to his leg, and tried to hack through the root, but to no avail. It was strong, almost bone like.

_Almost bone like…_

Evan looked at Laura, who was slowly loosing consciousness from the lack of air, and make his decision. He grabbed his side arm, and shot at the root. The bullet went trough the surface, but embedded in the root, thankfully missing Laura's leg.

The odd-root like thing immediately let go of Laura's leg, and he grabbed her arms, pulling them back up to the surface.

As soon as they broke the water, Laura began sputtering and cursing.

"Fuck's sake!" She said, gulping in mouthful's of air. "Christ! R-R-remind me to _kill _C-c-colonel Sheppard when we get b-back for sending us-s to a planet with roots t-that like-e to try d-drown you."

Evan grabbed his bag, and handed Laura's to Dr Kavanagh.

"Complain, and I will shoot you." Evan warned, dragging his still panting 21C to the other side of the river.

He pulled her up on the bank, and pulled bottle of water from his bag.

"You alright?" He asked.

Laura nodded. "Been better, but I'll survive."

"Major?" Dr Kavanagh called from the river. "The bag's ripped. Everything's coming out."

Sure enough, when Evan and Laura looked out across the water, there was half the contents of Laura's pack floating everywhere.

Evan sighed, and re-entered the water to get the bag from Dr Kavanagh, and try to salvage the stuff.

A lot of it was completely sodden, but the majority of it could be dried out.

When he got back to the river back, Cadman was waiting with a roll of duct tape.

"Good job I brought this then sir." She smirked, already starting to tape up the hole in her standard issue backpack.

By now it was pitch black, and Evan sighed. "Guess we'll just have to stay here for the night, and get up early tomorrow to go the rest of the way."

Laura nodded, unable to reply because the duct tape hanging from her mouth.

Evan looked at the bickering scientists who were arguing over what kind of illnesses they could get from their dip in the icy water.

"Kavanagh, Biro, go get some firewood." He ordered. "Everyone else, we're putting up the tents."

As he and the remaining scientists unpacked the tents, Evan barely held back the urge to run screaming back into the river.

They were trying to assemble them _upside-down._

**TBC?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary:** Major Lorne and Lieutenant Cadman are chosen to command the annual civilian training trip off world. Besides the fact they're babysitting a bunch of eggheads for three days, they've got bigger problems. Like the freakin' stargate not working.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for all the wonderful feedback last chapter! Free hugs all 'round. Oh, and special thanks to Zandra's's Ashes who's great advice helped me tweak this around and make it better (hopefully!). Once again, reviews are love, flames will be used to heat my house!

Oh, and the times for the obstacle course are probably awful, and nowhere near what they should be, cause I'm just guessing here!

**Disclaimer: **'Fraid I don't about Stargate Atlantis, or any of the Stargate franchise. Wouldn't say no to owning Major Lorne though.. ;)

/////

"Up and at 'em sunshine!" Laura yelled, banging a pot loudly. "We gotta lot of ground to cover, and not a lot of time to do it in."

Groaning and moaning reached her ears, and Laura sighed.

"Don't make me _force _you outta the tents, 'cause you aren't gonna like that."

At that, disgruntled scientist's began to emerge from the tents, half dressed and looking rather tired.

"Everyone have a good nights sleep?" She asked, smirking.

"I can't sleep outdoors.." Dr Alistair Harris grumbled.

"I liked sleeping in a tent. Reminds me of back when I was a teenager, at summer camp." Dr Eilish Murphy yawned. She was the only Irish astrophysicist on the expedition, and talked non-stop.

"What did you do as a teenager?" Alistair grumbled. "I never slept in a tent."

"That's cause you didn't have a life when you were a teenager." Eilish retorted. "Is there any coffee?"

Laura pointed towards Evan's bag. "In there."

Eilish shuffled toward the bag, and rifled through it. "Eh, Lieutenant? Hate to break it to ya girl, but theres no coffee here."

"Really?" Laura was surprised. "Could have sworn I through that in Major Lorne's bag.."

"Check your own." Evan said from his position on the opposite side of the little camp.

Laura bent down, and had a look through her own bag. "Huh. No coffee there either. Guess you'll have to do without.

The scientists had begun to panic as soon as she stood up empty handed. For a bunch of total geniuses, they really depended on coffee.

Tory Biro looked like she was going to have a heart attack, Alistair, Radek, and Dr Aimee Jones had all gone various un-healthy shades of red and white, and even Eilish's almost permanent beaming smile had dropped off her face.

"Um, sir? Colonel Carter didn't happen to give you a 101 on living with coffee deprived scientists for three days, did she?" Laura asked.

Evan shook his head. "I think most people just run the other way when they don't have coffee, but that's not an option here."

Before anyone could say, or do anything else, Peter Kavanagh emerged from his tent.

"Wazz goin' on?" He asked his eyes blearily, and full of sleep.

"Theres no coffee." Eilish explained in a slightly horrified voice.

The half asleep scientist immediately woke up. "No coffee? Are you being serious?"

Laura nodded slowly.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

//////

"My ears are still ringing from Kavanagh's scream-a-thon earlier." Laura moaned, shaking her head to the left and right.

"Just like the rest of us." Eilish grumbled. "How much longer are we going to be waking?"

It was about the millionth time someone had asked them that, and Laura was just about ready to swing for someone.

"You'll know," She began in a deathly calm tone. "When we get there."

"And when will that be?" Peter piped up.

Laura felt every sane thought go out of her head, and the red mist came down.

"For Christ's sake! If one more person asks me if we're there yet, how long are we going to be, or can we stop, I swear to god I will shoot you!" She screamed, loosing her temper.

"Lieutenant.." Evan said warningly. They were bugging him to, but threatening to shoot people wasn't such a good idea.

Peter did complain about everything, and it was ignored by the SGC and higher up's as a general rule, but they might take reports of Laura shooting the guy a little more seriously.

"I'm sorry sir," She said, not meaning it. "But I will have to shoot them, or myself if they don't shut up."

"Preferably yourself.." Peter mumbled under his breath.

Evan whirled around. "What did you say?" he snapped, his own temper beginning to wan. Cadman was one of his best friends, and really didn't like hearing that.

Peter looked nervous. "N-nothing Major." he stuttered.

Evan ignored him, and turned to the rest of the group. "You can thank Kavanagh and his comment for the extra hike you'll all have to do before we stop and set up camp." He said, returning to his usual calm and collected persona.

"I think that hill there would be a good place to start, don't you Lieutenant?" He asked, looking at his 21C, pointing out a steep hill.

"I think that's a great place to start, sir." She smiled sweetly.

Evan nodded. "Off we go then."

They set off at a fast pace, the five other scientist's mumbling insults at Kavanagh. The two officer's up front barely held back laughter as they heard the childlike insults, and more colourful insults directed at Kavanagh.

He really didn't try make people like him, did he?

///////

It was mid-morning by time they made it over the hill, and everyone was pissed off.

The scientists were annoyed because they had to climb a mountain because of Peter damn Kavanagh, and Evan and Laura were pissed because they had to listen to all their whining.

Thankfully, the scientists had realised a few hours before that constantly asking when they were going to get there was an extremely bad idea, because it only made Evan and Laura go slower, and take more detours, but their arguements over TV shows, and movies, and games, and theoretical astrophysics were enough to drive anyone up the wall.

The two soldiers had tried to block them out by starting up their own conversations about guns, and movies, and cars but Peter's whiny voice always seemed to interrupt them.

Lorne stopped when they arrived in the clearing John had found for them when he surveyed the planet in a puddle jumper, and dumped his bag on the ground.

Laura followed his example, rolling her shoulder's to get the stiffness out of them.

The six scientists stumbled into the clearing, promptly collapsing in a heap.

"Alright, you lot set up camp." Evan ordered.

Cue the chorus of moans, and groans.

"Its part of the course." Evan interrupted. "And you're all gonna do it."

"Where are you going then?" Peter asked.

"Myself and Lieutenant Cadman are going to set up an obstacle course, which you will all have to run about ten times if camp still isn't set up by time we get back." Evan answered.

"Have fun!" Laura said sweetly.

They set off through the trees that almost completely surrounded the clearing, so where John said he Teyla, and Ronan had started to make some sort of obstacle course.

The pair walked in silence until they came to another clearing, where the course was.

"Whoa. Did Colonel Sheppard said he started making a little course?" Laura asked, her jaw almost hitting the floor. "'Cause that is anything but a half finished little course."

Evan nodded in agreement. "He said that Ronon added in some Satedan stuff, so that should be fun."

"What we have to finish? Sir?" Laura asked as the looked at the structure.

It looked like any military course you'd find on earth, with climbing walls, ropes to climb, nets to crawl under, with odd looking Satedan and Athosian obstacles thrown into the midst.

"We'll have to give it a go to find out." Evan smirked, and he ran for the first climbing wall.

"Cheater!" Laura yelled after him, running to catch up.

They were only a quarter of the way through when screaming make them stop in their attempts to climb an almost sheer wooden wall.

They both dropped down almost simultaneously, and ran for the camp, worried.

"This planet is un-inhabited, right?" Laura asked, shoving a branch out of her way.

Her CO nodded. "Yeah, Dr McKay and Colonel Sheppard did a full check of the planet."

"Then what the fuck is wrong?"

They burst into the clearing, to see what the hell was wrong.

Two of the tents were on fire.

"Christ! Did anyone think of putting the damn thing out?" Laura screamed, grabbing a bucket and bolting for the stream near the clearing, Evan close behind her.

After a few trips to and from the river, they got the fire out, leaving them looking at tow completely ruined, smoking tents and six freaked out scientists.

"What happened?" Evan demanded.

No answer.

"What happened?" He repeated.

"Peter though it would be a good idea to lit a fire." Tory mumbled.

"At two in the afternoon? Smart Kavanagh." Laura rolled her eyes. "Did you try light it inside the tent or something?"

Peter shook his head. "I lit it kind of close to the tents, so we'd be warm."

"And you didn't take into account the fact that the wind was blowing towards the tents?"

Peter shook his head again.

"I swear to god, you're like a bunch of children." Laura sighed, and began pulled the ruined tents from the ground.

"No one's sleeping comfortably for the next two nights now, thanks again to Kavanagh." Evan said, looking at the tents. "Who's tents were they?"

"Mine and Lieutenant Cadman's." Eilish said.

"Mine and yours." Alistair mumbled.

"Great." Now Evan had nowhere to sleep. "Dr Harris, you bunk in with Kavanagh and Radek, Dr Murphy you bunk in with Dr Biro and Dr Jones."

"But, they're only tow an tents!" Alistair groaned.

"Once again, thank Kavanagh." Laura said, wiping her ashy hands off her BDU.

"Where are you and Lieutenant Cadman going to sleep?" Aimee asked

Evan turned to his 2IC. "How does the great outdoors sound Lieutenant?"

"Great sir."

////

"You're going to be timed running this course, and your aim is to beat a certain time." Laura explained, holding up a stopwatch to the group.

"What time would that be?" Tory piped up.

"Mine, and Major Lorne's." Laura replied, handing her stopwatch to the woman. Evan handed his to Radek, and the two officers lined up at the starting line.

"No cheating this time sir." Laura warned, getting ready to run.

"Look who's talking!" Evan retorted.

"I loved that movie." Laura laughed.

"So the jarhead has a soft side? Who'd have guessed?" Evan teased.

Laura looked at her commanding officer. "I hope you can actually fly, flyboy, 'cause imma 'bout to whoop your ass. Sir."

"Ready?" Radek asked in his heavily accented English.

They nodded.

"Go!"

The six scientists watched as Evan and Laura took off over the first climbing wall at a ferocious pace.

"I think they genuinely enjoy doing these courses." Alistair said in wonder.

"That is madness." Radek shook his head, wondering how anyone could enjoy getting muddy and climbing over wooden structures. "Madness." He repeated.

The scientists stood in silence, until the yells and shouts of Laura and Evan broke the silence.

"So close flyboy, but so far away!" they heard Laura tease. "Sir."

"Yeah, we're not done yet!" was Evan's replied. "There's still- shit!"

"What?" they heard Laura ask.

"Look in front of you."

They heard both officers burst into peals of laughter, and that was the only sound around for the next few seconds.

The pair came into view again, covered in mud from head to toe, and laughing as they raced each other to the finish line.

Laura was just ahead of Evan, but the man skidded as they near the finishing point, and made it over the line seconds before Laura.

"Bastard." Laura laughed, flicking mud at her friend. "Sir." She added.

They were on duty after all.

"Time Doc?" Evan asked, returning the favour and flicking globs of mud at Laura.

"For you Major, one minute, 26 point one seconds." Radek replied.

"What about me?" Laura asked the small, and scary pathologist.

"One minute and 28 point four seconds." Tory replied.

"I demand a re-match, sir!" Laura laughed.

"Now now Lieutenant, let everyone else go first." Evan said, pretending to tut as he took his stopwatch from Zelenka. "Zelenka, Jones- you're up first."

The two scientists walked towards the first climbing wall, Radek grumbling in Czech under his breath.

"Three, two, one, go!"

///

"Harris, four minutes 53 point 9 seconds." Evan said as the English scientist shuffled past, covered in mud.

"Biro, five minutes, 19 point seven seconds." Laura announced. "Murphy, Kavanagh? Its your turn."

The final two scientists walked up to the wall, Peter looking like he'd us been put to death, Eilish rearing to go.

"C'mon Peter! Cheer up, it might never happen!" She said to the now depressed and whiny doctor.

"Actually, its happening." Peter said gloomily.

"I'm actually excited. Used to do something like this back when I went to summer camp. Great laugh it was! I was always terrible mind." Eilish chattered. "But I always had fun. Getting muddy was the best part and,"

"GO!" Laura yelled.

Eilish grabbed onto the wall, able to reach high because of her height. She was almost six foot tall!

The Irish scientist pulled herself over, standing on Kavanagh's head in the process.

"Whoops!" She giggled. "Mind yerself there Peter."

Peter just gave her an angry glare, and muttered something about writing to General O'Neill as soon as they got back to Atlantis.

Nothing happened for a few minutes, until they heard Eilish laugh hysterically, and Peter scream like a little girl.

Evan raised an eyebrow, and he ran for where Eilish and Peter where.

"Major, he saw the Wraith dummy that fella Ronon put up, and his after fainting." Eilish explained through her laughter.

"Oh, that's great." Evan sighed, looking at Peter, who was sprawled on the ground, completely unconscious.

He picked up the skinny scientist, and lifted him up with ease.

"Will I keep going sure?" Eilish asked brightly.

Evan nodded, and headed for camp.

"What happened?" Laura asked, looking at the passed out Kavanagh.

"He fainted when he saw the Wraith dummy."

/////


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary: **Major Lorne and Lieutenant Cadman are chosen to command the annual civilian training trip off world. Besides the fact they're babysitting a bunch of eggheads for three days, they've got bigger problems. Like the freakin' stargate not working.

**Authors Note: **Thanks for the feedback last chapter. For all the people reading this, and not reviewing, I would really love to hear what you think of this story! I'm not going to hold the next chapter hostage until I get a certain amount of reviews or anything- I'll carry on regardless- but I'd like to hear what you think.

Oh, and I may have trouble updating for the next few days, because I'm moving yet again- military brat speaking here! But, I'll do my best.

**Disclaimer: **'Fraid I don't about Stargate Atlantis, or any of the Stargate franchise. Wouldn't say no to owning Major Lorne though.. ;)

/////

"For the last time Kavanagh, you don't need to go back to Atlantis!" Laura said as the new awakened scientist demanded that he be brought back to the 'gate immediately.

"But, I could have something seriously wrong with me!" Peter protested.

"You fainted." Evan said sceptically. "Not like you were shot or anything."

"I've fainted plenty of times before. Just drink some water, and suck it up." Eilish dismissed his claims of serious illness.

"Yeah, it did no damage to you." Peter snapped.

"I'm smarter than you." Eilish pointed. "I've been with the Stargate Program for eight years, and I've had a heck of a lot more experience than you."

"Experience doesn't mean anything," Peter began to argue.

"Yeah? Did you tell your last girlfriend that?"

Laura snorted. Eilish was funny, when she wasn't being an egghead.

Aimee stood up, yawning. "I'm going to sleep." She announced, Tory following her lead.

It didn't take long for everyone else to follow them, leaving Evan and Laura alone.

"Its gonna be nice sleeping out here tonight sir." Laura said, looking up at the clear night sky.

There was no clouds, no nothing so the stars and the planets six moons in view. It was beautiful, actually.

"Its times like this I remember why I'm still a part of this." Evan said after a few minutes silence.

"Yeah. The universe is amazing when you don't have bad guys chasing you from the planet." Laura agreed.

"I can't imagine having to leave Atlantis again." Evan said, joining Laura on the ground. "It was hard enough when the Ancients came back."

"At least we got to come back." Laura's tone was a bit distracted.

"What's wrong?" Evan asked, picking up on it straight away.

"I.." Laura took a deep breath. "I'm thinking of transferring back to Earth."

Evan propped himself up on his elbows. "Why?"

Laura looked at him. "I dunno, really."

"You have to have some idea!"

Laura thought about it. "I never intended on staying in Atlantis in the first place."

"Got something waiting for you back home?" Evan asked quietly.

"I used to." Laura replied slowly. "But I guess I as away for too long."

"So why do you want to go back now?" Evan prodded.

"Maybe I could make it work again." Laura shrugged. "I dunno. Do you ever wish you stayed on Earth? You have to have given up something to come here."

Evan didn't reply for a while.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Laura added quickly.

"I kept it secret for six years, I think its time to say it now." Evan said. "I got married when I was twenty five, just before I joined the SGC. It was hard enough going on missions off-world, but I did."

Laura stayed silent as her friend paused.

"She died two years later and I signed up for the Atlantis Expedition. I couldn't handle staying on Earth."

"I'm sorry." Laura said.

Evan shrugged. "You didn't know. I'll take first watch." He said, standing up abruptly. Evan was a very private person, even to his friends, and as he walked away, Laura knew the walls had come down, and he'd probably never mention their conversation ever again.

Laura watched him walk away, and settled down to sleep. She hadn't realised how tired she was until she zipped up her sleeping bag, and her eyes fluttered shut.

/////

The second morning on the planet passed without much excitement. Evan and Laura set up targets, and they attempted to teach the scientists how to use them.

Eilish had a good shot, but went a little crazy with the gun. The target wasn't usable when she finished.

Laura got the feeling Zelenka had snuck some of his moonshine off-world, because the guy couldn't hit the target for love nor money.

Dr Biro… Well, Tory Biro was a scary woman in all senses of the word, and her with a gun was something that made everyone keep their distance.

Alistair was useless. Peter was worse than useless. Aimee started crying when she was handed the P-90.

All in all, it was a failure of an afternoon.

"How did any of them pass their weapons exam in the first place?" Laura said in wonder and she and Evan stood off to the side, watching their progress.

"Sheer luck?"

"Maybe they were told they were never, ever going off world because they couldn't fire a single bullet, without screaming?"

"Or laughing like a maniac.."

"Well, if he's captured by the Wraith, Zelenka can just sneak 'em some of his moonshine. They'll be so wasted he'll be able to escape."

"Zelenka would probably drink the stuff too, and have a sing along with the Wraith." Evan laughed.

Laura snorted. "Good point sir. Kavanagh would be useless to have when your up against the wraith.

"Oh, I don't know," Evan pondered. "Him fainting might me a good weapon. I don't think wraith like to feed on unconscious people."

"You have a point there sir," Laura nodded in agreement. "Wish we could put that to the test…"

"Why don't we get the wraith dummy and see if he'll faint again? I mean, someone will have to pretend to feed on him…" Evan joked.

The two burst out laughing, hysterically as the image of one of them pretending to feed on Peter entered their heads.

"Are zey laughin' at us?" Radek asked, his speech slurred.

"Muhahahahah!" Eilish laughed manically, firing another 'round of blanks at the target.

Peter screamed as he fired off another shot, Alistair squeezed his eyes shut, barely pressing the trigger, and Tory was dancing around in circles, chanting, stopping every once in a while to fire at the target.

"Yes." Aimee nodded. "I think they are."

////

"I am dying to eat a proper meal." Radek groaned, looking at the MRE in his lap.

"Ah, suck it up Radek buddy!" Eilish said, slapping thee disgruntled man on the back. "Only one more night, and we're heading back to the 'gate."

Laura resisted the urge to jump up, scream, punch the air and shout finally. Their last day on the planet was just going to be a trek back to the stargate, and straight back to Atlantis.

She was dying for a shower.

"I like these." Tory said through a mouthful of food. "They are tasty. Like Alistair's hair."

Cue the awkward silence.

Laura coughed loudly. What was that woman on?

"Um, sir? I'll take first watch tonight."

Evan nodded. "Alright Lieutenant."

The group around the campfire started to disband then, with people heading to their respective tents, and Evan grabbing his sleeping back and dragging it out to the edge of the camp.

Laura was about to say something to him, when he turned on his side, facing away from her.

_Guess he doesn't want a repeat of last night.._

Laura perched on a rock, and looked out at the murky darkness of the night. In the distance, she could see the outline of the mountain they had trekked over the first day, and if she strained her eyes, she could see the river she almost drowned in between the gaps in the tree line.

All that was beautiful, sure, but once again it was the stars that stole the show. It was strange, looking up at the night sky and knowing one of those stars was Atlantis, and her homeworld Earth was so far away she couldn't even see the star.

Even after five years with the stargate program, three of those spent on Atlantis, the thought never failed to dumbfound her.

////

"Hi ho! Hi Ho! Its back to Atlantis we go! Its been three days, and my hairs like haaay! Hi-ho, Hi-ho, Hi-ho, Hi-ho!" Eilish sang as they trekked back over the rough terrain of the planet, an hour into the three hour walk already.

"Why are you singing?" Peter demanded.

"Because, Mister Grumpy Pants, it's fun." Eilish said, sticking her tongue out at Kavanagh.

"I thought you were smarter than me?"

"Me singing has nothing to do with how smart I am, or am not." Eilish snapped, and went back to singing.

"Kill me now…" Laura moaned, ready to scream. And scream, and scream…

/////

"Are we there yet?" Radek asked.

"No." Evan sighed.

////

"Are we there _yet?"_

"No."

////

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

/////

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

////

"Are we there yet?"

Laura bit the inside of her lip, ready to blow. "Not. Yet."

////

"Major? Are we there yet?"

"Actually, yes we are." Evan replied, breathing a sigh of relief. The stargate was less then a two minute walk in front of them.

"Thank god!" Laura said under her breath, and ran for the DHD.

She arrived at the device, and began punching the symbols.

Everyone else caught up to her, but the 'gate still hadn't activated.

Laura turned around, her face a mask of horror. "Um, sir? We gotta problem. The 'gate won't dial."

**TBC.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary: **Major Lorne and Lieutenant Cadman are chosen to command the annual civilian training trip off world. Besides the fact they're babysitting a bunch of eggheads for three days, they've got bigger problems. Like the freakin' stargate not working.

**Authors Note: **Thanks for the feedback last chapter, and don't worry RowenaR, there shall be plenty Lorne and Cadman banter! This chapter may or may not be a total mess, but I've crossed so many time zones the past few day's, I think my brains melted. Sorry this took a while by the way- moving equals lots of unpacking, And it took a while to get my laptop hooked up to the world wide web. I'm not computer genius! Anyway thanks for all the reviews. I love you all!

**Disclaimer: **'Fraid I don't about Stargate Atlantis, or any of the Stargate franchise. Wouldn't say no to owning Major Lorne though.. ;)

**Chapter Four.**

_Laura turned around, her face a mask of horror. "Um, sir? We gotta problem. The 'gate won't dial."_

Evan said nothing for a few seconds. "Is it April first?" He blurted out finally.

"Sorry sir?" Laura raised an eyebrow.

"Is it April first? You know, April fools day. 'Cause if it is, this prank isn't funny." Evan repeated.

"I'm not kidding sir. It won't dial."

Evan marched over to the DHD, and stabbed at the symbols. Nothing happened.

"Yeah, this could be a problem." Turning to Radek, he pointed to the device.

"Please say you can fix this?" He begged.

Radek shrugged. "I will have to see." With that, the scientist knelt on the ground, and pryed open a panel on the DHD.

A few tense minutes passed until Radek sat up.

"This is a problem. Someone had removed the crystals that connection ze DHD to ze 'gate."

"So this is a trap?" Laura asked, switching straight into alert, ready for action soldier mode.

"Nah.." Eilish sat from her position on the floor next to Radek. "Looks like they were taken out a long time ago, judging by the amount bloody dust. My mother, god bless her, would had a heart attack if she saw that dirt."

"I doubt your mother has security clearance." Peter snapped.

"How'd you know that? She makes a mean stew, and you need lots of food to feed hungry stargater's." Eilish retorted, sneezing slightly. "Anyway Major, I have my doubts that anyone set a trap from us, recently at least."

"I have to agree." Alistair muttered, crouching down to look at the open panel. "It might have been a trap say.. Ten thousand years ago? Give or take a century?"

"So how did Colonel Sheppard get back?" Laura asked.

"The DHD in ze puddle jumper." Radek explained. "When you have one of those, you have no need to use ze actual DHD."

"That makes sense." Laura nodded. "So now what? We wait it out until Atlantis dials in to see why were aren't back, and get them to send a puddle jumper, or a generator for a manual dial in?"

Evan nodded. "That's all we can do."

"Well.. They'll dial in when we're about an hour or so late, so we only have an hour or two to kill." Laura said, checking her watch. "So only an extra hour with _them._"

////

Evan was practically asleep on the rock he was perched on, listening, or trying not to listen to the scientists drone on, and on, and on… He snapped out of his almost comatose state at the sound of the 'gate dialling.

"Thank god!" He heard Laura mutter as she too stood up.

The usual _ka-whoosh _of the 'gate followed, although the event horizon was flicking oddly.

Evan shrugged it off, and turned into his radio.

"_Major Lorne, come in please."_

"This is Major Lorne sir. We're having a bit of trouble with the stargate sir."

Rodney's voice buzzed over the radio then. _"What's wrong with it?"_

Laura pushed the button on the side of her radio. "The DHD isn't connected to the 'gate, and we don't have anything powerful enough to do a manual dial in."

"And now the 'gate's flickering weirdly Doc." Evan added.

"_What's it doing?"_

"Flickering." Laura snapped into her radio. "Weirdly."

Radek motioned for Lorne to give him his radio.

"Rodney, ze event horizon is fluctuating, and it is no longer completely stable. I would not recommend sending anything through, he could simply be vaporized."

"_Lets put that theory to the test then." _Colonel Sheppard's voice buzzed over the radios.

"Nothing came through sir." Laura said after a pause.

"_Damn. I was enjoying that sandwich.."_

"_You'll have to wait for the Daedalus Major. Theres no stargate's within a week of the planet. It should be here in about five days anyway." _Colonel Carter joined the conversation. _"Do you think you'll have enough food?"_

Since Laura was incapable of speaking, Evan replied.

"Yes ma'am. We'll be fine."

"_Good. We'll check in every eight hours to see how you're doing. Atlantis out."_

As the 'gate disconnected, Laura turned to Evan, her face betraying the horror she was barely trying to conceal.

"Five extra days?" She sputtered. "Five extra days?"

//////

"Hey Kavanagh, we're rationing. That means you can't go raid the food bag when you get the urge." Laura said, snatching the power bar from Peter's hands.

"But I'm hungry!" He moaned.

"Get over it." Laura shrugged, throwing the bar back into the bag she and Evan had designated as their fridge of sorts.

The Marine flopped down beside Evan on a log they had dragged up to their new, makeshift camp near the stargate. Ripping open a pocket of her tac vest, she produced an I-pod which she waggled at her CO.

"You brought an ipod off world?" Evan laughed.

Laura nodded. "You never know sir!"

"You can drop the sir Lieutenant." Evan smiled. "We are off duty, if you're getting technical."

"Only if you drop the Lieutenant, sir- I mean, Evan." She corrected herself.

"No problem, Lieu- Laura." Looking down at the ipod in Laura's hands, he spoke again. "Wouldn't you want to save the battery in that for when you're really, really bored?"

Laura shook her head. "Nah. The battery's been enhanced with naquadah. I only have to charge it.. Ooh, every decade or so?"

Evan laughed, and accepted the earbud Laura was offering him. "Lets see what your taste in music is like then."

"Its fantastic sir." Laura replied, pressing play.

Songs by Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Fall Out Boy, All American Rejects and Evanescence pumped through the headphones until a song started to play that Evan hadn't really expected Laura to like.

"Leona Lewis?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Guilty pleasure sir- Evan." She smiled. "Good song though."

For the first time, Evan properly tuned into the ballad.

_A place to crash, I got you,_

_No need to ask, I got you,_

_Just get on the phone, I got you,_

"Remind you of someone?" Evan asked quietly. For someone to go from bands like Nirvana, to Leona Lewis it usually meant the song had some significance to them.

That, or they had a very diverse taste in music. Maybe both.

Laura shook her head. "Wish it did."

_Go ahead and say goodbye, _

_I'll be alright,_

_Go ahead and make me cry,_

_I'll be alright,_

_And when you need a place to run too,_

_For better for worse,_

_I got you, I got you._

Before they could continue their conversation, a loud scream from the centre of camp distracted them.

Evan jumped up, ripping the earbud out of his ear as he did so, Laura following his lead.

"What's wrong?" he asked as soon as they approached the group standing around a freaking out Aimee.

"A b-b-b-bug!" Aimee squealed. "It c-crawled u-up my le-eg!"

Behind him, Evan knew Laura was searching for something to bang her head off repeatedly, and he wasn't too far off joining her.

Three days was bad, and they had stuff to _do _then.

Five extra days with everyone bored out of their minds? That was **not **going to be fun.

/////

**Authors Note Two: **if you want a picture of what the stargate looked like when it was flickering, it's the same as the stargate in the SGU episode 'Time', though this 'gate isn't acting up for the same reason.

Oh, and one more thing. Can someone recommend some nice German chocolate? Pretty please?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary:** Major Lorne and Lieutenant Cadman are chosen to command the annual civilian training trip off world. Besides the fact they're babysitting a bunch of eggheads for three days, they've got bigger problems. Like the freakin' stargate not working.

**Authors Note: **Thanks for all the feedback last chapter! I'm up to fourteen reviews, which is just.. Wow! Anyways, there isn't too much left in this story, maybe two or three chapters after this? As usual, reviews are love, flames will be used to roast marshmallow's!

**Disclaimer: **'Fraid I don't about Stargate Atlantis, or any of the Stargate franchise. Wouldn't say no to owning Major Lorne though.. ;)

**Chapter Five.**

"So." Evan said as he and Laura looked at the soaked scientists.

"Guess we got the weather forecast wrong sir." Laura shrugged. They had both been sitting near the tree line when the rain started to thunder down.

The scientists however, hadn't been quite as lucky. Evan and Laura just got a little damp, whereas the scientists looked like they'd just been for a nice, long swim.

"We look like a right bunch of drowned rats!" Eilish annouced cheerfully.

"You don't sound too bothered?" Alistair remarked.

"I grew up in Ireland Alistair. I'm used to this- as you should be, hailing from England and everything."

"I moved to Australia when I was fifteen." Alistair explained. "It never rained this hard out there."

"That's the one place I haven't gotten to see." Eilish said absently, sticking her head out into the rain. "Yum."

"Did you just taste the rain?" Peter asked.

"Yeah. What's wrong with that?" Eilish shrugged.

"Its, its full of unknown toxins, and-"

"Its rain Kavanagh." Laura interrupted. "It's not going to kill you."

"Not unless it's acid rain, or-" Peter began to argue.

Eilish did them all a favour by clamping a hand over his mouth, shutting him up.

"Thanks for that." Aimee said, sighing with relief. "How long is this storm going to go on for?"

"Forever?" Eilish suggested, still cheerful.

The clouds slowly started to clear, and the rain began to ease off.

"I stand corrected." Eilish grinned. "Its over now."

////

"Twenty questions?" Eilish suggested.

The suggestion was immediately shot down. "No."

"Snap?"

"We don't have any cards." Laura pointed out.

"Good point.." Eilish sighed. "How 'bout.. Never have I ever?"

"No."

"The awkward game?"

"Never."

"Pictionary?"

That one didn't really deserve an answer. It was their second day stuck off world, and they were trying to think of something to do.

Well, Eilish was suggesting stuff to do, and everyone else was refusing.

"Strip poker?"

"I may be bored Dr Murphy, but I am not bored enough to play strip poker with Kavanagh." Evan replied.

Peter looked annoyed as he said that. "I have played strip poker before-"

"Really?" Laura interrupted. "When? Back in high school maybe, when you were the most popular guy in school?"

Peter's mouth opened and closed a few times. "That's, that's bullying!"

Laura snorted. "Bullying? I'm simply pointing out a fact."

Peter ignored her answer. "And you have played strip poker?"

Laura nodded. "Course. What the heck do you go to high school for?"

"To learn." Peter snapped.

"And I learned. The rules of strip poker, and that my best friend seriously needed to buy new-"

"Okay, okay!" Evan interrupted, laughing. "I think we get it!"

"I was going to say socks sir." Laura grinned.

"I'm sure you were." He grinned back.

////

"Truth or dare?"

This time it wasn't Eilish who suggested it, but Aimee.

"I know its childish," She began. "But do we have anything better to do?"

"She's got a point." Tory agreed.

Evan shrugged. "Well, its that or listen to Kavanagh moan about how General O'Neill never answers his letters."

"Well," Laura said, cracking her knuckles. "I'll go first then shall I sir?"

"You don't have to call me sir." Evan said. "We're technically off duty, so call me Evan."

"Only if you call me Laura." She grinned. "Now, truth or dare, _Evan_?"

Evan laughed. "I should have guessed. Um. Truth I guess."

"Aww c'mon, pick dare!"

"No."

"C'mon flyboy, are you too chicken?"

"What are you taking 'bout jarhead?"

"Whatcha mean?"

"Oh, only that you were totally struggling to hold back a scream when you say that wraith dummy." Evan smirked.

"I was not! You were the one who was totally freaking out."

"Lying never solves anything."

"Its solves everything."

"So, you admit you were lying?"

"What?!" Laura yelped indignantly. "I did not."

"Did too." Evan grinned.

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

Evan laughed. "You're never gonna stop are you?"

"Why, is your voice getting hoarse?" Laura teased. "I know you flyboy's don't spend much time outside the cockpit, so you have no use for it really."

"Ouch." Evan pretended to wince. "Truce?"

"Never!" Laura yelped, and tackled him to the floor.

They good naturedly wrestled until someone cleared their throat.

"You two good?" Eilish grinned as they looked up at her. "Alrighty then. Truth or dare, without the sexual attacks."

Laura choked. "Sexual attacks?"

"Oh, totally. The witty banter, tackling.. It's an all round sexual attack." Eilish teased.

"I'm about this close to pulling you into the river Doc!" Laura said, jokingly.

"I wouldn't go down without a fight." Eilish grinned, standing up. She was an impressive height when she stood up properly, unlike Laura's pretty average 5'6.

"Ah, but I'm a marine."

"I'm a water baby."

The chorus of huh's that rippled around camp made Eilish laugh.

"Come off the stage now lads. Didn't anyone ever call you a water baby if you stayed in the sea, or the pool for ages?"

No one nodded, or said yes.

"Well. That was wasted on ye!" She smiled, un-zipping her jacket.

"Hope you're not planning on skinny dipping."

"Of course not." Eilish said. "I'm just warm."

As she stretched, and yawned they all got a flash of a sprinkle of stars tattooed across her hip.

"You have a tattoo?" Laura raised an eyebrow.

Eilish nodded. "I'm not just a boring scientist y'know. Anyway, they're just stars. Not exactly cool."

She lifted up the hem of the t-shirt, providing Laura with a proper view of the little purple stars.

"I got 'em for a dare." She explained.

"Yeah, I think that's where most people get their tattoo's." Laura nodded.

"Including you?" Evan asked.

"How'd you know?"

"Wild guess." he shrugged. "What is it?"

"Chinese symbol for magic." Laura said, her face tinged pink.

"Magic?" Evan barely held back a snort.

"Yeah, it was meant to be demon but the idiot tattoo artist messed it up. So, what's yours?"

"Um.. A sort of snake head thing." Evan said, running his hands through his hair.

"Snake head thing?"

"I was completely wasted at the time!" Evan said defensively.

"Does anyone actually have a good reason for their tattoo?" Aimee laughed.

"I actually like mine, excuse your cheek!" Eilish laughed. "Got in the height of trouble when a teacher in school noticed it though."

"You got it when you were in school?" Aimee was a bit shocked. She knew Eilish had finished school at seventeen, so that meant..

"I was fifteen when I got it. Managed to keep it secret for another year, but the parental units freaked anyway." Eilish shrugged. "But you can get tattoo's at sixteen, so they couldn't do anything."

"Why would you want a tattoo?" Peter said, slightly disgusted.

"Personal choice Kavanagh? Not like you'd know.." Eilish said, her face still set in it's ever present smile.

"I don't feel the need to display bad drawing's on parts of my body, permanently." Peter said pompously.

Eilish looked at her tattoo. "Yeah, that star is a little wonky, isn't it?"

////

It was late at night, on the fourth extra day they had spent stuck on the planet. They were all bored, tired, and well.. Bored.

Evan poked at the dying embers of the fire, listening to Eilish talk.

"My tour's almost up actually." Eilish said, zipping her jacket up to the top to try block out the late night chill.

"Are you going to stay on?" Aimee asked.

Eilish shook her head.

"You've got something to go back to?" Alistair asked.

Eilish smiled. "I've got _someone _to go back to."

"Oh? Do tell!" Aimee giggled, poking Eilish. The two women had instantly clicked when they arrived on the planet, and were practically joined at the hip now.

"Ever heard of a girl following a boy? Well, my Liam followed me out to Colorado when I got offered a place at the SGC. I didn't really want to leave him there when the chance to come out here came up, but he said that is should take it, whatever the heck it was." Eilish explained, her eyes sparkling as she spoke about her sweetheart. "I've got a picture with me actually."

She dug around in her bag, and produced a slightly crumpled photograph.

Aimee looked at the photo carefully. It was of Eilish, and a man with sandy blonde hair, and with the pale skin and freckles that Eilish herself had.

"He's handsome."

"He's a looker alright." Eilish nodded. "We're getting married when I get back home. Have you got someone back on Earth?"

Aimee shook her head. "We spilt up because I took the job on Atlantis. He was.. Clingy, to say the least."

"My family's back in London." Alistair said joining the conversation. "I miss them like hell."

"Oh, you have kids?"

Alistair nodded. "Charlotte and Joseph. Can't wait to see them again."

"I too have a wife, back home." Radek said, drinking what suspiciously looked like his famous moonshine.

"Well, I got no one back on Earth. Family, yeah, but otherwise everything's here on Atlantis." Laura said cheerfully.

"Me too." Evan agreed. "Have my sister, and her nephews, and my mom but otherwise I got nothing waiting for me to get back."

"So you too have no intention of leaving?" Aimee asked.

"As long as I'm wanted here, I'm going nowhere." Evan replied.

Eilish opened her mouth, but Laura held up a hand to silence her.

"Do you hear that Evan?"

Evan nodded. It was the unmistakable sound of-

"DARTS!"

**TBC.**

**A/N 2: **Muhaha! I bet you didn't see that coming ;) Next chapter, never :P Oh, and Laura's tattoo story is actually what happened to my best friend when we decided it would be a good idea to get tattoos :)


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